Untapped Talents

We all know the leaves of trees hold a hidden beauty that only reveals itself in the fall, right? 

Still, did you know that in the summer months, leaves produce all of the pigments of autumn, but chlorophyll masks them?

Then once fall arrives, the trees stop producing chlorophyll, revealing a vibrant display of red, orange, and yellow hues, reminding us of God's extraordinary artistry through the lens of nature.

That's not to say the forest isn't beautiful in the summer. The different trees still have leaves of many shapes and sizes, but they mainly blend into the greenery around them. 

As people, we can be like the green leaves, conforming and blending into everyday life. I'm not saying it's always a bad thing to blend in. However, if we get too comfortable, we'll only move within our summer season and miss the vibrant colors hidden within us.

Imagine if Mother Teresa hadn't tapped into her heart of compassion. This brave woman comforted and cared for the poor, the dying, and the unwanted worldwide. 

Not only that, Mother Teresa was one of the first to establish homes for people living with AIDS. She used her talents to bring the "color of hope" into the lives of the hopeless. Yet, many criticized her, and the Catholic Church wasn't even on board until they recognized the scope of her humanity's work.

Suppose Picasso and other talented artists never lifted a brush to touch paint on canvas. The art world many of us enjoy would not exist.

And what if a developer of musical instruments didn't tap into their innovative minds? The God-given gift of music would be lost to the world "would be musicians," left empty and unable to heal and inspire through music.

The list can go on and on of how people used their talents to improve the world. 

I think about my struggles and how I'd dropped out of school before finishing eighth grade because of circumstances beyond my control. Although I eventually attended vocational school to attain my GED (General Educational Development), I've spent much of my life trying to catch up by self-educating. 

Suppose I'd accepted my demise and not tapped into my love of writing. One of my vibrant colors would've remained hidden, but instead, writing has brought me alive. At sixty-four years young, I'm working on my first children's fantasy book, which is expected to be out in the early new year. And even if it impacts just one child, it'll be a success!

We all have different talents and God-given gifts. Yet, all too often—like ivy wrapped around an oak tree—the hurts of this world suffocate us.

I know from experience, and I'm sure many of you can also relate, that when we release those hurts through the power of forgiveness, we tap into the gifts of self-awareness, compassion, and gratitude and, in turn, unlock the hidden talents that have laid dormant, enabling our true colors to shine like a child seeing the world anew. 

Don't you marvel at the simplicity and freedom of children and how coloring books and crayons fascinate them? I certainly do.

I love watching my youngest grandson scribble all over the pages, smashing crayons into the paper, smiling, unafraid to color outside the lines. 

My grandson's freedom of expression is something that I hope he holds on to as he ages. Because (all too often) as we grow up and start conforming to societal expectations, limiting ourselves to the boundaries of normalcy, we tend to prefer the comfort of a tidy picture frame to the freedom of the untapped talent realm. 

But what if coloring outside the lines is the key to unlocking your full potential? 

Jesus dared to color outside the lines set by the religious leaders of His time to bring hope to the silenced and marginalized. He knew the turmoil it would create. Yet he "stirred the pot" anyway. 

Jesus' life serves as a powerful reminder that within each of us lies the potential to bring light and color to the world around us—even in the face of fear and uncertainty. 

Don't allow fear to stand in your way of coloring outside the lines. Step out of your comfort zone. Dare to dream big. Dare to be different. Like the trees in autumn, "Leave no leaf unturned!" Your untapped talents are waiting to be discovered.

Bullying: Scars of Soul

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. 

I want to share my story and insights on a BIG problem that's not only affected many lives throughout history but is still widespread today.

At around eight or nine years of age, I became a victim of bullying, commonly known as "teasing" back then.

The phrase "boys will be boys" was often used to excuse my bully's behavior. Did it mean boys were entitled to unacceptable behavior because they were boys? Did "boys will be boys" justify schoolyard bullying? 

In hindsight, I see a double standard: Depending on who you were, unacceptable behavior got swept under the rug, brushed off, and seen as "trivial." Consequently, the abuse continued at the expense of my positive school life experience and, no doubt, the lives of others who fell prey to bullying. 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." I'd recite this popular childhood rhyme to myself as I hurried past my tormentors in the schoolyard—the snickers of bystanders echoing behind me while "stink bomb, you're ugly, you're stupid" pierced through the air and landed blows that shook me to the core. 

What a myth I fed myself as a child—that sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me, a weak coping mechanism, at best, to likely lessen the sting of my bully's words. 

Hateful words hurt. They have power. They are forceful and convincing. They penetrate the heart, mind, and soul and have long-lasting effects.

While my bullies may not have hurt me physically by throwing sticks and stones, their horrific words oozed into my identity, leaving an indelible imprint on my soul and changing how I viewed myself and others. At the most tender and vulnerable time, my bullies' incessant name-calling stripped away my self-esteem.

Yet, I had the resolve and grit to rise above. And as an adult, I thought I'd done just that: rose above. I thought I'd dismissed the scars from my bully's name-calling. As far as I was concerned, bullying happened to me as a kid; therefore, it was just a part of growing up. 

Nothing could have been further from the truth.  

Years later, circumstances forced me to sift through the scar tissue of my youth. Although other factors played a part in my emotional wounds, addressing, acknowledging, and grieving the immense scars of the soul from my bullies contributed to a pivotal role in my healing journey.  

 

It stands to reason why condescending tones often sent off triggers, where I'd become that little girl back in the schoolyard again. Scared. Wounded. Angry. Hurt. Afraid.

It stands to reason why I became a people pleaser, perfectionist, and workaholic: to prove my worth.

You may be reading this thinking: This resonates with me. It's my story, too!

If so, please know this. Scars don't vanish. Wounds that don't get treated don't heal because we've moved on as adults. Healing can only begin when we face the scars and confront them for what they are. (Bear in mind that we may need professional help to face our deepest scares.) 

 

Bullies, and even bystanders, have no idea how bullying affects the victim. They have no idea the daily havoc their words and actions play on our psyche and influence our lives for years to come. 

Why do bullies bully? 

 

In my understanding, bullies bully because they act out of insecurity to gain personal power at the expense of the weaker and most vulnerable. Some bullies may have been victims of bullying themselves, so they feed off the power they get from their bystanders' laughter of approval. It's a short-lived adrenaline fix where the "bullier" thinks they've turned the tables on their own pain. 

Who is a target for bullying? 

Anyone can be a target of bullying, but more so for those who are different. In my case, living in a small town where everyone knew my family was poor, my bullies saw me as "less than," someone who didn't fit the "norm." An easy target to exploit. 

I'm not letting myself off the hook here. I've also hurt others with my words, often with a knee-jerk response because I felt attacked.

 "Hurting people hurt people," this I know. And I never want my grandkids to feel the pain that haunted me. 

But it's inevitable that my three grandsons (one with autism), raised by two moms, will be an easier target than most for bullying. The two oldest have already felt the bully's sting, and I fear it will only get worse, especially in this new politically charged environment of evolving distrust and hate.

By sharing my experience, I hope it will not only help others tell their story but also shed light on what's still so prevalent in our society/schools today: face-to-face bullying and cyberbullying. 

Because even though there's much more awareness than when I was a kid, bullying isn't limited to schoolyards. At least when the school bell rang to end my day, I could escape from my bullies. 

Today, internet technology has fostered an environment that has given birth to cyberbullying, extending bullying beyond the schoolyard 24/7. 

Cyberbullying (in many ways) is even scarier than face-to-face bullying since it's the most well-hidden way for a bully to sit behind a screen and taunt others with their words, mainly affecting young youth and adolescents, making them feel alone and unworthy. Sadly, some even take their own life. 

Bottom line: We need to be fully present, fully invested, in our children and not dismiss bullying as "just a part of growing up" because—whether it was back in my day or the present day—bullying isn't a natural part of childhood; bullying is a painful and traumatic experience, with long-lasting scars that can affect the victim's development, learning skills, and self-esteem, leading to anxiety, depression, and feelings of shame. (Teasing isn't teasing if it causes harm.)

As a society, let's stand together and be a voice for the voiceless. Despite our views and differences, let's treat others how we want to be treated. 

If we can do this, I have faith that the environment promoting bullying will begin to lift like fog, and our children will have a more inclusive, brighter future. 

Thank you. 

Time

Time is elusive, yet it ticks by at the same rate for all humanity. We can't bank time. But we can, undoubtedly, squander it. We can't halt time's progression. But we can learn to make the most of it. 

Do you ever wish that you could travel through time to correct past mistakes or clear the future of its obstacles? 

Unfortunately (even if we wanted to), we can't eliminate the messiness of our lives or rewrite history. And while we can influence the future through our choices and actions, only time can tell the real story.

Looking back, one of the things I'm most grateful for is personal growth. Unraveling those parts of myself that I'd forgotten or left behind has brought me to a much happier, fulfilled, and healthier place. 

Yet, as I age, my perception of time keeps evolving because, despite the routine and mundane moments I'd pre-retirement, life seems to be flying by at this stage. The phrase "time's a-wasting" reminds me to tune out the distractions of everyday life and focus on the beauty surrounding me.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."—Maya Angelo.

Whether holding our newborn baby/babies for the first time, witnessing a spectacular sunset or rainbow, being out in nature, or standing on a mountaintop, we remember those moments that took our breath away; we remember the indescribable awe, like time stood still briefly, as we became fully present to notice and appreciate what was before us. In that sense, I agree with Maya Angelo.

But what about those other defining moments that took our breath away by sucker-punching us in the gut, forever changing the direction of our lives in a split second?

One such time for me was in 1987 when my mother suddenly died. 

Time will heal you; time will lessen the sadness," well-meaning friends kept telling me. 

"One of the realities of grief and loss is that the rest of the world seems to keep on going forward while we feel like we have been stopped in our tracks." —Alan Wolfelt. 

 I waited for "time" to do its thing as the world moved on without me. But it was as if time had stood still. 

I couldn't look to the past because it was too painful. I couldn't look into the future because my mother wouldn't be there. If anything, I wanted to go back in time. In other words, I wanted my life to return to how it was before my mother died.

When our life's sand-glass plugs off and traps us in turmoil—even though the grains of our lives will look and feel differently—the sands of time will flow again. We can't see this in the throes of grief. Nor should we. Nevertheless, as we journey out of the valley, we will experience awe, wonder, and joy and live life to the fullest again. 

Thirty-six years have ticked by since my mother died. Although she hasn't moved through time with me, no length of time has erased her from my heart.

Time. It's constantly in motion and stops for no one. 

Time in grief, however, allows us to (slowly) zoom in and greet each milestone in whatever way our emotions present, giving us the means to let go of the past and move into the future with a "new normal" without our loved ones. 

Each breath we take is God's gift of time. Still, how we spend it can be a complicated question. 

We can choose to heal those broken and estranged relationships. We can choose to forgive. (Remember, forgiveness is for ourselves. It's not for the person who hurt us, and not necessarily for reconciliation with that person.) And we can choose to make peace with our past while looking forward to the possibilities time offers us.

 If you are reading this and are struggling, I pray you will find a safe and healthy space to embrace the "now" once again. (Be patient with yourself. Take your time.) 

The Butterfly and the Moth

 Did you know that butterfly and the moth are from the same Lepidoptera family? Yet many adore the butterfly and dislike the moth.

I am in the "dislike the moths camp." I find them creepy to look at, especially the larger ones. Their dull, almost alien appearance represents the insect world's less attractive side. In contrast, the butterflies are colorful and represent nature's beauty.

Besides the moths and butterflies' appearances, another significant difference is that 

while most moths lurk in the dark, butterflies flutter elegantly in the light of day. 

I remember summer nights on our patio when Derick and I'd turn the light on over the door. Moths would come in droves and bounce off the light fixture. And even after we'd turned the light off, the notorious night-flying creatures continued to fly aimlessly in the dark.

Those moths remind me of the tale of the lost sheep trying to find their way back to their flock, with the light acting as the Good Shepherd calling them home.

As Christians, we are like that outdoor light, powered by the Holy Spirit, illuminating the light of Christ through us. And although our human beacon may flicker at times, the welcoming light of Christ is always present within us, guiding and teaching us to embrace others without exclusion.

After all, we are all part of the same human family created by God; therefore, we should equally celebrate and respect each other's diverse lifestyles and cultural backgrounds. But unfortunately, ingroup bias is prominent in our society, and it's discouraging to see some groups favored while others are ignored. 

When you observe a homeless person, the LGBTQ+, or other marginalized groups, what do you see? A butterfly or a moth?

While I strive to see a butterfly in everyone, I've been guilty of shooing people away with my words and actions. I've looked at a person and seen them as a butterfly, only to see that person as a moth once I knew more about them. Still, there were other times when I'd witnessed what I thought was a moth that turned out to be a beautiful butterfly.

Thankfully, when I become judgemental (as we all do), the light of Christ is always on over my door, guiding me back home, wiser and more compassionate to be acceptant of my broader human family.

How about when you look in the mirror? What do you see? A butterfly or a moth?

For me, it all depends on the day. The reflections of my youth and older self portray a lifetime of growth and change.

I thought I was unworthy of love and belonging in my younger years. Like a moth, I felt like a nuisance and a pest, always hiding in the shadows. Then as I grew older, I realized I was scared to leave the comfy zone I'd created, not unlike a butterfly that remains camouflaged on a branch, afraid to spread its colorful wings.

But I've learned to silence my doubts and fears and no longer live in a cocoon. Instead, I embrace both the moth and the butterfly aspects of myself today.

Why?

Because my experiences—whether hidden in the dark like a moth or on full display like a butterfly—significantly impact who I've become. 

Furthermore, Christ teaches us to acknowledge all aspects of ourselves, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's how we transform into creatures of the light and see the world through His eyes.

So the next time you see moths flying around your light at night, envision them as the marginalized attracted to your light, and each time you hold out your hand to welcome them instead of "figuratively" swatting them away, God smiles and says, "Well done good and faithful servant."

Bottom line: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and God sees beauty in us all, so we should too. 

The Shadowy Slope of Life

Behind every shadow cast, there must be light since, without light, the shadow would disappear.

On the other hand, something must partially block the light for the shadow to appear in the first place. 

I grew up in an era without cell phones or video games. Our black-and-white TV only had two channels. It was like watching shadowy pictures through a constant snowfall of static. 

Yet my siblings and I were rarely bored; we entertained ourselves in other ways, as simple as chasing our shadows. We'd mimic and frolic after them and even got frustrated when we couldn't outrun them. 

Unresolved grief, the effects of trauma, hiding one's sexual orientation, or other present and past issues, are internal shadows with the same control in that we can never outrun them. 

However, unlike our external shadows, light isn't needed to produce the shadows we carry within. On the contrary, light is needed to expose the shadows lurking inside the mind.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that often forces us into the shadow realm of "faking it until we make it." In the process, we deny or suppress or hide parts of ourselves to fit in, and years later, we are still held hostage, detached from our true selves, unable to sever the shadows that bind us.

 

Carl Jung, one of the greatest psychologists of the 20th century, quoted:" In every adult, there lurks a child…that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention, and education. That is the part of the personality which wants to develop and become whole."

In retrospect, Jung's words are so true to my life. Left uncared for and traumatized, my inner child lurked so far inside the shadows of my mind that even as her cries manifested into feelings of being isolated, unworthy, anxious, and often on edge, her voice could not breach the echo chamber of deception. We were both stuck on the shadowy slope of life, unable to merge and move forward, until she finally caught my attention in my mid-forties.

Everything changed after I sought counseling and began confronting and bringing my youth's shadows into the light. It was the beginning of healing for both the adult version of myself and the little girl I'd left behind. And even though some of my past shadows are like boomerangs, my inner child and I now face them together, forever learning, evolving, and working toward the light.

And in one form or another, I often write about the shadowy parts of my past, not because I am an expert by any means, but because I know from experience how vital inner child work is for our overall well-being and how, when left at the helm, our shadows not only affect us; they affect the people around us as well. 

Furthermore, without exposure to the light, our shadows will hold out on becoming our greatest teachers. Why? Because they hold the key that locks us from becoming our true selves, they conceal the secrets that squash our happiness and deny us the freedom to reach our full potential. 

I know all too well that it isn't easy to believe in the light behind the shadow during life's struggles. As a result, our spirit may wander toward our darker shadow self since—at that moment—we cannot see a lit path forward. 

Most of you know my story and the shadow I hid behind after my daughter came out gay. However, the light of love overcame the shadow of estrangement and lit the path toward an amazing relationship with my daughter, her wife, and three grandsons.

Falling behind the shadow of domestic abuse at nineteen also left me feeling helpless and unworthy of love. Yet, once again, the light shone beyond the shadow and lit the path that led me to my wonderful, caring husband of forty-one years.   

Perhaps being trapped in the maze of the mind for so many years is why I'm always fascinated by the symbolism the cycle of life portrays in nature, especially during springtime, as spring reminds me of new birth, where the shadow of the dead-looking trees will soon bud into blooming flowers again. 

And it's so fitting that Easter, the ultimate celebration of life, also occurs during this season of renewal. A time when Christ endured much suffering, yet, in the end, He conquered the shadow of death through His resurrection.

While our journey on this earth will always cast new shadows upon us, Easter gives us hope that life will re-bloom—despite dark and dreary days—because Christ is always there, shadow-hunting on our behalf, patiently waiting to breathe new life into us again.    

                                                     Happy Easter!