Do you feel like you're meandering through life without meaning or purpose? Do you question the path that you're on? Do you feel like something is missing in your life, but you can't quite put your finger on it?
Most of us like to keep existence simple. We want the road that we're on to be straightforward. But then life happens. And we find ourselves meandering through unknown territory. While some turns are wondrous and beautiful, others are dark and traumatic, sending us into a wobble — to the point where there appears to be no path forward anymore.
Looking back now, it's clear that I felt out of place in this world, like a misfit, meandering aimlessly. Thereby, much of my energy was spent trying to figure out where I belonged, so much so that my external world became so loud it'd drowned out the calm, whispering voice of my soul.
I read once that you can only give so much of yourself away before you have nothing left to give. And it's so true; we can become inwardly depleted and unrecognizable to ourselves.
We are all wandering creatures by nature, each on a mission to find our place in this world. And even though some find it, others of us are like nomads, meandering and searching until suddenly we are nudged, prompted by the universe to make the journey back home for the well-being of our emotional, mental, and spiritual state.
In 2004, I hit a crossroads. Nothing made sense. There was no purpose or meaning in my life. Yet (the confusing part was) I'd a beautiful life.
So what was wrong? What had left me discontented and ungrateful for the life that I had?
In truth: I'd lost touch with God and my innermost self. In other words: I'd lost my way home.
I'd masked my past traumas and meandered into the future with a clouded perception of what was essential in life. As a result, I experienced a tug-of-war between the external world and my spirit, making me feel like a part of me was broken — needed fixing, when, in reality, all I had to do was "let go of the rope" and trust God to show me the way home.
Actually, hitting that crossroads in 2004 was a beckoning to begin my search for "home," the beginning of what's been a long meandering trek of introspection and self-awareness. A purifying training ground, if you will, that brought me back to God, that guided me into a better understanding of myself, and that helped me find meaning in the events that'd happened to me.
Of course, the road has become more manageable with God at the helm. It's not that the road is necessarily straighter by any means. It's just that I am not alone. I now have a traveling companion, a supreme navigator, to help me get back on track.
If we are honest, there's a place within all of us that's unsatisfied and longs for something more. I don't mean more money or an accumulation of more stuff but rather a "spiritual hunger" that only God can fill. As Saint Augustine quoted: "Our hearts are restless until it rests in thee."
This simple yet so profound quote by Augustine has significant meaning if you think about it. Because — as we meander along life's road — it's a given that our hearts will wander and become restless. We're human, after all. But how wonderful is it that we can always regain spiritual perspective by resting in thee?
PS: I'm still a misfit in many ways. But understanding that we are all uniquely created, I am okay with being different, with going off-the-beaten-path, if it doesn't negatively impact my spiritual health, that is.
