My First Published Book

                                          

I am excited to announce that my book is now available for purchase on Amazon/Kindle after two years of hard work. 

Here is the overview:

Bray and the Adventures of Zorkon follows the story of a ten-year-old boy who fights for inclusion and tackles a bullying problem at his school. The story unfolds with Bray entangled between a dream world and reality. However, the lines between the two worlds become oddly less blurred after Bray discovers a strange rock that transforms into a powerful Zorkon bracelet. The bracelet makes one capable of creating an invisible force shield bubble, a time-warping hologram named Zork, and a mysterious pair of goggles. Befriended by the riddle-speaking Zork, Bray (with a bit of help from his friends) must solve the puzzles and use the powers of Zorkon not only to stop the bullying against his classmates but to foil a plot to incite panic and chaos during his community's Diversity Day rally.

I hope you will give it a read! 

Bullying: Scars of Soul

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. 

I want to share my story and insights on a BIG problem that's not only affected many lives throughout history but is still widespread today.

At around eight or nine years of age, I became a victim of bullying, commonly known as "teasing" back then.

The phrase "boys will be boys" was often used to excuse my bully's behavior. Did it mean boys were entitled to unacceptable behavior because they were boys? Did "boys will be boys" justify schoolyard bullying? 

In hindsight, I see a double standard: Depending on who you were, unacceptable behavior got swept under the rug, brushed off, and seen as "trivial." Consequently, the abuse continued at the expense of my positive school life experience and, no doubt, the lives of others who fell prey to bullying. 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." I'd recite this popular childhood rhyme to myself as I hurried past my tormentors in the schoolyard—the snickers of bystanders echoing behind me while "stink bomb, you're ugly, you're stupid" pierced through the air and landed blows that shook me to the core. 

What a myth I fed myself as a child—that sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me, a weak coping mechanism, at best, to likely lessen the sting of my bully's words. 

Hateful words hurt. They have power. They are forceful and convincing. They penetrate the heart, mind, and soul and have long-lasting effects.

While my bullies may not have hurt me physically by throwing sticks and stones, their horrific words oozed into my identity, leaving an indelible imprint on my soul and changing how I viewed myself and others. At the most tender and vulnerable time, my bullies' incessant name-calling stripped away my self-esteem.

Yet, I had the resolve and grit to rise above. And as an adult, I thought I'd done just that: rose above. I thought I'd dismissed the scars from my bully's name-calling. As far as I was concerned, bullying happened to me as a kid; therefore, it was just a part of growing up. 

Nothing could have been further from the truth.  

Years later, circumstances forced me to sift through the scar tissue of my youth. Although other factors played a part in my emotional wounds, addressing, acknowledging, and grieving the immense scars of the soul from my bullies contributed to a pivotal role in my healing journey.  

 

It stands to reason why condescending tones often sent off triggers, where I'd become that little girl back in the schoolyard again. Scared. Wounded. Angry. Hurt. Afraid.

It stands to reason why I became a people pleaser, perfectionist, and workaholic: to prove my worth.

You may be reading this thinking: This resonates with me. It's my story, too!

If so, please know this. Scars don't vanish. Wounds that don't get treated don't heal because we've moved on as adults. Healing can only begin when we face the scars and confront them for what they are. (Bear in mind that we may need professional help to face our deepest scares.) 

 

Bullies, and even bystanders, have no idea how bullying affects the victim. They have no idea the daily havoc their words and actions play on our psyche and influence our lives for years to come. 

Why do bullies bully? 

 

In my understanding, bullies bully because they act out of insecurity to gain personal power at the expense of the weaker and most vulnerable. Some bullies may have been victims of bullying themselves, so they feed off the power they get from their bystanders' laughter of approval. It's a short-lived adrenaline fix where the "bullier" thinks they've turned the tables on their own pain. 

Who is a target for bullying? 

Anyone can be a target of bullying, but more so for those who are different. In my case, living in a small town where everyone knew my family was poor, my bullies saw me as "less than," someone who didn't fit the "norm." An easy target to exploit. 

I'm not letting myself off the hook here. I've also hurt others with my words, often with a knee-jerk response because I felt attacked.

 "Hurting people hurt people," this I know. And I never want my grandkids to feel the pain that haunted me. 

But it's inevitable that my three grandsons (one with autism), raised by two moms, will be an easier target than most for bullying. The two oldest have already felt the bully's sting, and I fear it will only get worse, especially in this new politically charged environment of evolving distrust and hate.

By sharing my experience, I hope it will not only help others tell their story but also shed light on what's still so prevalent in our society/schools today: face-to-face bullying and cyberbullying. 

Because even though there's much more awareness than when I was a kid, bullying isn't limited to schoolyards. At least when the school bell rang to end my day, I could escape from my bullies. 

Today, internet technology has fostered an environment that has given birth to cyberbullying, extending bullying beyond the schoolyard 24/7. 

Cyberbullying (in many ways) is even scarier than face-to-face bullying since it's the most well-hidden way for a bully to sit behind a screen and taunt others with their words, mainly affecting young youth and adolescents, making them feel alone and unworthy. Sadly, some even take their own life. 

Bottom line: We need to be fully present, fully invested, in our children and not dismiss bullying as "just a part of growing up" because—whether it was back in my day or the present day—bullying isn't a natural part of childhood; bullying is a painful and traumatic experience, with long-lasting scars that can affect the victim's development, learning skills, and self-esteem, leading to anxiety, depression, and feelings of shame. (Teasing isn't teasing if it causes harm.)

As a society, let's stand together and be a voice for the voiceless. Despite our views and differences, let's treat others how we want to be treated. 

If we can do this, I have faith that the environment promoting bullying will begin to lift like fog, and our children will have a more inclusive, brighter future. 

Thank you. 

Reawakening Our Core Being

"Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen." ― Brené Brown

The authenticity Brené Brown speaks about in the above quote is all about choices, and these choices (for me) wasn't attainable until I came into an understanding of who I was, the knowing and the unknowing parts, in search of my core being.

So many of us go through life without being aware our true self is overshadowed by our wounded self, and it can send a false notion that we need "fixing," that something must be wrong with us, that we are broken in some way.

Why?

Because somewhere—along life's path—the need to express and feel and be in touch with our emotions was, in some way, conditioned out of us by traumatic events, especially if these events stemmed from childhood.

Subconsciously, negative defense mechanisms can develop and become part of our personality, but in reality, it isn't the way we heal. Instead, we lose touch with our core being. Our inner growth is stifled. And our own passions and creativity are shielded.

While many factors contribute to the development of negative defense mechanisms, one of the ones I'd locked away from my childhood was the effects of being bullied.

I am the second oldest girl of fourteen siblings. We were known as one of the poorest families in our small community. There were times we barely had enough money for food, let alone brand-name clothing or footwear. Suffice it to say, I didn't fit the "norm"—especially at school—and often fell prey to ridicule and bullying.

In the tender and formative years of my life, my brain had already wired itself to be a certain way: I suffered from low self-esteem, I was an underachiever in school, and I'd trust issues. But being the strong-willed kid that I was, I grew a thick skin and moved on with life. (Or so I thought.)

The ramifications from my bullies by no means left me unscathed in adulthood. For years, the sting of their words continued to play havoc on my self-esteem, shaping the way I saw the world, myself, and my relationships. The "thick skin" of my youth had now become impenetrable, not just from the outside but from the inside as well. So, if I wasn't allowing others in or allowing my inner core to be seen, how could I possibly be authentic?

Around my mid-forties, I began to question the pathway of my existence. On the surface, I was blessed with a great life, but there was a longing in my soul—a gnawing ache that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I'd no idea how God would mysteriously move in my life when my daughter presented me with the book "The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For," by Rick Warren. In fact, it was so life-altering, it became the springboard that eventually led me to Christ.

Amazingly enough, through God's love and forgiveness, the walls that once shielded me ultimately became the doorway back to the authenticity of my core being. And, in turn, life has handed me a gift: The sensitivity toward those who are bullied and ridiculed and discriminated against. The deepest and truest parts of who I am today.

The hurts we endure become like dark clouds that move in and out of our lives, clouds that (at times) become so heavy they rain tears of sadness upon us. But as we begin to slowly process and let go of those dark places, rays of sunshine will pierce through, offering us hands of hope for the future; a future where our truest self has reawakened and is no longer fearful of being seen.