Whether we do it consciously or unconsciously, we all, from time to time, fall into the comparison trap. We pull out our measuring stick and compare others by what they have, by what they wear, by how they look ... leaving us feeling either superior or inferior to them.
Yes, it's natural to compare. Yes, not all comparing is unhealthy. But when it's entrenched in the philosophy that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, when it promotes an envious, resentful attitude toward other's success, it can be detrimental to one's well-being.
The thing is: the greener grass view only allows us to see what's directly in front of us, anyway, which is merely a perception of someone's life. We can't possibly have an accurate assessment of someone's story from the other side of the fence. And (more often than not) when we do hear their story, either face-to-face or through social media — we come to realize that the marriage we envied fell far short of our expectations, or even ended in divorce. Or the person that we thought had it all together was actually insecure and lacked confidence.
I know firsthand hand that nothing derails joy and contentment faster than comparing oneself to others.
Growing up in a low-income family, the comparison trap seeped into my life at a very early age. I longed to fit in but was always left looking over the fence. I was envious of those who were popular, who wore the latest brand-name clothes, and who appeared to have a fairytale home life.
The bare bones of my story: The fear of not being good enough, the fear of not measuring up, the fear of failure, and the fear of rejection became a benchmark to prove my worth to the world in adulthood. The "I will show you" kind of mentality led me down a road of perfectionism and people-pleasing. And it not only held me back and prevented me from becoming the best version of myself, but it also left me ungrateful for the beautiful life I had in front of me.
I am not saying that the comparison trap never rears its ugly head in my life today. There are days when I doubt my abilities as a writer, days when my inner critic feeds me the lies that I am not good enough or smart enough to write, but the difference now is that I sit with my emotions. I address them for what they are, reminding myself to stay in my own lane and run beside those who inspire me, who push me up higher, and who believe in my gifts and talents.
Don't waste your time looking over the fence at someone else's life. Water your own gifts and talents. Be grateful for the life you have. Contentment doesn't come from what you own or how much money you have or how you look; contentment comes from inner joy, of knowing that you are enough.
As the wise Dr. Seuss once said, "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."
Embrace your uniqueness.
