Rocking the Boat

I remember the time my siblings and I stole my older brother’s dory and rowed out to a little island off from our house. As we began our journey back, the wind picked up and started to blow us off course. “Row harder, row harder!” I shouted as we gripped the oars, straining every muscle while the waves rocked the boat and pushed us farther from the shoreline.

The experience was terrifying, and I shudder at the thought of it now. Thankfully, the dory didn’t capsize and eventually landed us in a protected cove on the other side of the main harbor. Boy, did we get scolded!

In a literal sense, I can relate to the fear and uncertainty of being in a rocking boat. Our actions led us into turbulent waters, yet, much like the spirit, the wind ultimately guided my siblings and me to safety. If the wind had blown us in the wrong direction, it could have swept us out to sea, and our naivety would have put us in great danger.

Figuratively speaking, “rocking the boat” refers to actions that cause conflict and disrupt calm. This is because many view conflict as negative and tend to avoid it at all costs. Conflict, however, when handled constructively, can have positive effects, leading to growth and transformation.

As a child, growing up in an environment filled with unhealthy conflict, I had to learn to keep the waters calm—to not “rock the boat,” so to speak.

Understanding the difference between constructive and destructive conflict has helped me to step out of my comfort zone. Although I’m no longer afraid to rock the boat today, I recognize from my experiences that an “I’m right, and you are wrong” mentality can very well tip the boat over.

Jesus rocked the boat by challenging the religious traditions and social norms of His time. He healed on the Sabbath, defying the restrictive interpretations of the law, and willingly engaged with outcasts and sinners. He prioritized divine law and love over the rigid, man-made rules and power structures that the Pharisees so coveted.

Jesus encouraged people to question their established beliefs and seek a deeper, more inclusive understanding of love and acceptance. His mission was to save all of humanity, and His actions often disrupted the status quo. Not only that, but He broke down barriers, advocated for the marginalized, and exemplified the courage to stand up for His beliefs, inspiring others to do the same.

Derick and I were deeply inspired by you, Burns Mosa. You will always hold a special place in our hearts. The kindness and warmth you extended to our family during a time when our faith was shaken gave us the hope we needed to maintain the peace of Christ in our lives.

Quispamsis United Church, where our family now attends, became “Open and Affirming” a few years ago, creating a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community. This is especially important for my non-binary child, their spouse, and our three grandsons, as it allows them to experience love and acceptance within a church community. It also helps them heal from the scars of hatred they've unfortunately faced in both the secular and Christian worlds.

The church has become a source of enlightenment for us again. Our oldest grandson occasionally shares his musical talents with the congregation by playing the piano. Meanwhile, our youngest grandson, who is just five years old, brings smiles to everyone with his charming personality as he stands larger than life on stage, singing to us all.

Did Quispamsis United Church rock the boat by becoming “Open and Affirming?” Absolutely. Did they tip the boat over? Certainly not. The love of Christ is a safe harbor that transcends human understanding, embracing all believers and keeping our boat secure in the storms that inevitably accompany change.

Rocking the boat isn't something to be taken lightly. We must always remain mindful of Jesus’ message to love our neighbor as ourselves when challenging the status quo, because those who disagree with our faith path are also part of God’s fleet.

Furthermore, by showing respect and love for one another, I believe our paths will ultimately reunite on the common shore of Christ as we navigate our journeys to advance the Kingdom of God.

As we approach the Christmas season, I pray that the personal, political, and religious divides affecting families can be bridged, even if the boat is rocking slightly. We never want it to capsize and leave us adrift in a sea of regret.

“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” Galatians 5:6

Bottom line: Love must win the day, for if we lose sight of love, we close our listening ears and become no more than another clanging cymbal.

Merry Christmas. 

There’s Two Sides to Every Coin

"I'm gay." Words that shattered our dreams and shook us to the core—words powerful enough to burst our daughter's closet wide open and yet words distressing enough to send Derick and me into the closet.

That was over a decade ago, now. Since then society, including many Christians, have softened their outlook toward homosexuality. And while acceptance still generates division among churches, families, and communities, in many aspects, our approach with one another is more respectful today.

Over the years Derick and I'd heard and read both inspiring and heartwrenching stories about youth coming out, about how their parents had reacted. Not all parents went into the closet as we did. Not all dealt with faith issues from a Christian perspective like our family had. Some LGBTQ were estranged and homeless, some had suicidal thoughts, and unfortunately, some ended their life.

While stories influence us and make us feel less alone, they empower us to share our story as well.

So after much reflection, I share a fragment of our families narrative—not to debate who's right or wrong—but to speak openly and honestly about our once "secret" homophobia, and to reveal how the fault lines of our beliefs had severe consequences in the way we handled our daughter's coming out.

You see, we held an oversimplified view on homosexuality, formulated by pieces of information we'd gathered from the secular world as well as the Christian world. So we had no reason to believe otherwise: that it was merely a result of a dysfunctional society, or worse, sin and abomination in the eyes of God.

But our world soon stopped on its axis when we saw the face of it in our own home. We questioned: How could our daughter be a lesbian? We'd raised her in a loving home. And more so, how could she be an abomination? On the contrary, her spirit exuded beauty, even in the midst of struggle. We wondered what our friends and families would think, what our church would think, what the future held for her/us now? And could she be both gay and Christian?

This new reality plopped us smack dab in the middle of the homosexuality debate, bombarding us with questions and opinions that we were ill-equipped to handle. To say we needed a more in-depth understanding of this issue was an understatement, yet our simplified view remained intact, at least for a while. So we aimed to pray the gay away. We attempted to threaten the gay away. We even bargained with God. However, God changed nothing—except our heart, an awakening that, ultimately, altered our stance.

Inside the "changing" walls of our closet, we grieved our losses, but the homophobic mindset had dissipated. In fact, we found ourselves on the opposite side of the coin, where homophobic slurs were now like daggers through our heart. Therefore, around most of our friends, especially in our church and workplace environment, we avoided the topic of homosexuality, which, in some sense, caused us to live a double life until it finally took its toll on us. Ironically, the painful and humbling experience gave us a brief understanding of what our daughter had endured.

In retrospect when she came out, Derick and I had each other to lean on. Whereas for years she felt compelled to hide in a closet of fear and loneliness, trapped inside a fake identity. As parents, we shoulder some guilt for her ordeal. Consequently, the homophobic undertones of our actions and words hadn't created a safe space for our child to come out.  But to save herself, to be innately at peace with who she was and is, even at the risk of losing her family, she burst out of her closet, anyway. After all, if you can’t be yourself, at some point, it not only becomes a mental impairment for helping others but puts the individual in an unhealthy state of being as well. (At least that was the case for our daughter and, to a lesser extent, for us, too.)

While we don't pretend to have all the answers on this delicate topic, through tears and disagreements, we are thankful that our family found forgiveness and acceptance and unconditional love on the flip side. It has transformed us, no doubt. So much so that we are not only advocates for LGBTQ rights but for ALL who are marginalized.

Whatever side of the coin we find ourselves on, though, we must treat one another with love and respect. Also, if your child has come out, I implore you to keep the lines of communication open. Because while it brings much freedom for them, the exposure to discrimination and stigma will be at the forefront of their lives, as such, they will need their family more than ever.

A wise man once said: "Be humble. Stay humble. Never think you are better than the person sitting next to you because everyone has something to offer that you can't." Such great advice to keep in mind when debating this evolving issue, isn't it?