Losing a loved one strikes at the very core of our being, plunging us into a stormy sea of grief where we navigate unpredictable waves of sorrow, and grief becomes an unwelcome guest in our family story.
After a loss, it’s completely natural to experience intense emotions that linger beneath the surface. In these turbulent times, grief may feel like a powerful undertow, relentlessly dragging you deeper into your pain. You might find it hard to imagine that joy will ever grace your life again as you become submerged in a dark, murky ocean of despair. Remember, you’re not alone in these uncharted waters.
August 25th, the day my sister called to tell me that our mother had suddenly passed away, forever altered the course of my life. The news hit me like a freight train, leaving me breathless and in a state of shock.
In the days that followed, I felt as though the persistent undertow of grief was dragging me under as I fought with all my might to stay afloat emotionally. The mundane day-to-day tasks became monumental challenges. The weeks and months became a blur, filled with sleepless nights and endless questioning.
As I write this, it’s clear that I’ve survived the undertow as I grappled with my mother’s death. It’s also clear that I’m not “over” grieving for her, even though over three decades have passed.
Why? Because grief is a never-ending journey. We never fully get over losing our loved ones. No matter how much time passes, the emptiness left by their absence stays with us—especially from those immense losses that knock the wind out of us.
Through my own grief work, I’ve realized that we, as a society, struggle to honour grief properly. After a specific timeframe, we’re expected to “let go and move on.”
Additionally, in an attempt to alleviate the pain, we often resort to clichés such as “Stay strong,” “Time heals all wounds,” or “They’re in a better place.” I’m not saying clichés aren’t well-meaning. My point is that they can press the griever to power through and put on a brave face, while their emotions lie silent beneath a facade of strength, locking their pain away in the hidden parts of their hearts.
One of my biggest takeaways about grief is that everyone navigates their complex, deeply personal journey differently. We don’t all move along at the same speed; therefore, we must be careful not to judge how others grieve.
Some may ride the waves, allow their grief to carry them out to sea, and float amongst cherished memories. Others may battle against its current, repeatedly retreating to the shoreline, feeling utterly hopeless as they wrestle with accepting their loss.
Regardless of how we navigate our individual journeys—whether we allow the pain to wash over us at the onset or resist it—one undeniable truth remains: the undertow of grief will continue to pull us under until we confront those lonely, murky waters and begin the slow process of healing.
Grief will greet us all on this journey called life. Yet, even as uncomfortable as it may be, it has much to teach us. I wouldn’t have believed this truth in the rawness of my own grief when it brought me to my knees, when I was shaking my fist and questioning the “why.” However, as time progressed and the pain became less intense, grief not only became my greatest teacher, but it also offered me essential life lessons.
With professional help, as I unravelled the pain, the guilt, the “should haves,” and the “what ifs,” allowing it all to wash away like pebbles in the ocean tides, I began to carry my mother’s loss in a new light.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
Blessings.
No comments:
Post a Comment