Tearing Down Our Emotional Walls

Hitting an emotional wall feels like reaching a dead end, where the gears of life shift and throw us off course. 

Bouncing back from this experience is a complex journey. It involves more than simply seeking temporary relief, such as enjoying the ocean air at the beach, taking a refreshing walk in nature, or working out at the gym. 

While these are all healthy choices, the emotional walls I'm referring to require us to confront mental and emotional fatigue and wrestle with a profound disconnect from the person we once were.

We all tend to avoid emotional pain—every single one of us. In doing so, we become “wall-builders” in our personal stories, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously, with roots that may trace back to our childhood. 

In times of deep pain, it’s human nature to want to protect our hearts; it’s our defense mechanism kicking in to help us manage our emotions healthily. 

That’s the upside to our emotional walls. 

However, there’s also a downside. 

When left unchecked, these walls turn us into gatekeepers, constantly looking for potential danger, even when it doesn't exist. More importantly, they trap our emotions in a self-constructed prison, preventing us from fully experiencing them. After all, we can't heal what we don't acknowledge. 

Many of us fear being exposed and vulnerable, and rightly so. It’s uncomfortable, not to mention scary. So dismantling the emotional walls we've relied on for years—walls that have offered us shelter and protection—can be daunting. 

Yet, what if those walls no longer serve us? What if life has brought us to a pivotal moment where we can no longer ignore the call to break them down?

Do we dare go there? Do we dare sit with the shattered pieces? Do we dare analyze all the battles we’ve fought, every disappointment and hurt that led us to build those walls in the first place? 

Growing up in a large family, I didn’t have the space to express my emotions. As a result, I became skilled at internalizing my feelings, which led me to build emotional walls around my heart. My motto became, “I will stay protected. I’m safe here. No one will ever hurt me again.”

And it didn't stop there: toxic relationships during my young adult life and various challenges later in life reinforced the walls I'd built. After over forty years as a “wall builder,” I had constructed a fortress that isolated me from the world. Everywhere I turned, there was a dead end. What I thought was keeping me safe, what I thought was protecting me, in reality, was destroying me.

Bouncing back seemed impossible and hopeless. Still, deep down, I knew the only way forward was to take a sledgehammer—metaphorically speaking—and break free, one smashed brick at a time. 

This approach not only became the catalyst for improving my mental health, but it also gave me the courage to take risks and open myself up to vulnerability—all because I dared to go there. 

For different reasons, the gears of life have shifted once again. The U.S. election has thrown many of us off course. 

The walls of religion, homophobia, hatred, and injustice all weigh heavily on my heart.

What do the election results mean for Canada?

What impact will it have on my non-binary child, their American citizen wife, and my three adopted grandsons?

How will the government's indifference toward non-traditional families affect my grandchildren?

Will my LGBTQ2S+ family remain safe when visiting the U.S.? 

It’s all too easy to start laying bricks of fear during this time, and before we know it, there’s a border wall surrounding our hearts. 

I don't know about you, but I refuse to go back. I refuse to put my beautiful family back in the closet again. I will continue to do my part by helping to tear down the barriers that separate us, striving to move forward in peace and love, and leaving the rest in the hands of the Ultimate Builder of Unity—Jesus Christ, the One who came to break down the walls that divide us. 

“Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”

Merry Christmas. 

Broken Wings

You’re soaring along, enjoying the view, feeling grateful, and boom! Life throws you a curveball and breaks your wings. Like a wounded bird, you plummet, desperately seeking a place of refuge.

 

Most of us have journeyed through life carrying the burden of broken wings. We’ve wobbled around wounded—bearing scars from our past. Despite our ability to persevere on the ground, we’d often found ourselves unable to soar to our full potential. 

 

At a low point in my life, faith became my solace. Just as a mother bird spreads her wings over her babies to protect them, as I wept and wrestled with the broken pieces of my life, I felt safe and secure and shielded under the protection of my Father’s wings. There’s no better place to hide, in my opinion. 

 

Yet, despite my hesitance to leave the nest (my comfort zone), God’s plan wasn’t to keep me safely tucked away but to grace me with a new set of wings. And as I began to soar, I persevered through many uncomfortable headwinds. 

One obstacle I will share is the headwind of shame. 

 

Carl Jung called shame “the swampland of the soul.”

 

Berne Brown says, “Shame needs three things to survive: silence, secrecy, and judgment.”

 

I write about the creative deception shame can have on our psyche, not as an expert, but from a vulnerable place based on my experiences because I know how shame breaks human wings (spirits) and limits one’s ability to soar (thrive).

 

Firstly, shame is different from guilt. When we’re guilty, we feel remorse or regret for our actions. 

 

Shame, on the other hand, goes much deeper. Whether based on society’s perception of who we are or rooted in formative years, shame is toxic and crippling and leads us to believe that something is inherently wrong with us, that we are inadequate and unworthy of love and belonging, and that we can never measure up. 

 

Often, we aren’t aware of toxic shame, or if we are, we intentionally conceal it because talking about it is too awkward, too painful, and too complicated. As a result, silenced, secretive, and beaten down by judgment, our shame survives; our shame wins, and our wings remain broken. 

 

At a very young age (while I struggled to understand this until a couple of decades ago), shame began to weave its way into every fiber of my being. 

 

Growing up poor, being bullied, and struggling to fit in led me to believe I was inherently flawed and defective. These experiences made me feel ashamed of who I was. They broke my wings and bound me in the nest of deceit, holding me back from soaring with the rest of the flock. 

 

Sure, I preserved on the ground. But shame had caused me to shrink and feel insignificant. Shame had taken away my power, and because of shame, I flailed about—voiceless. 

 

Unless we bring our shame into the light and peel away the layers, it will continue to lurk in the shadows and chip away at our self-worth, whispering lies and robbing us of the beauty of our bird’s eye view. More importantly, it'll have far-reaching ramifications on our mental health. 

 

I’m no doubt soaring differently today. My wings are more resilient. I have a renewed strength, a knowing that even when life’s circumstances threaten to plummet me, Grace will be there to carry me forward. Thank you, Jesus! 

 

“But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not become weary, they will walk and not faint.” - Isaiah 40:31

U-turns

Have you ever been in a situation where you passionately pursued a dream but later found yourself questioning whether it was part of God’s plan for your life? If so, it likely was a difficult place, especially when you invested so much time, effort, and resources into making your dream a reality.

When we find ourselves in this state of questioning, we may feel lost and unsure of what to do next. We might even consider taking a U-turn away from our dream and (in the process) ignore our goals and place them on the “wrong direction shelf.” 

But then—when we least expect it—God intervenes and gives us a sign to make a U-turn back to our passion, reminding us that we were on the right track and that He had our back all along. 

It could be something subtle, like an encounter with someone who shares our beliefs, or something more significant, like a miraculous achievement that exceeds all expectations. Either way, it serves as a reminder to be patient and have faith in God's plan, even when His methods are unclear.

I’ve experienced self-doubt about my writing abilities. Negative thoughts such as, “You’re uneducated. You have nothing to offer. No one cares about what you have to say,” had made me second-guess myself where I wanted to take a U-turn away from writing altogether.

In those times of doubt, God showed up and spoke to me in odd and unexplainable ways that left an indelible mark on my heart and rendered me speechless. Interestingly, it was usually through other people that He redirected my attention back towards my passion.

We all succumb to negative thoughts and fears, but God often places wonderful people in our lives who can help us grow beyond those fears and blossom in ways we never thought possible. Whether for a season or the long haul, they impact us for a lifetime.

As we enter into Spring, the season of renewal, we’re about to witness the diverse beauty of nature bursting into full bloom once again. This breath of new life reminds me of all the diverse individuals who have inspired and helped shape me into the person God intended me to be. Am I still a work in progress? Absolutely. But God has used my U-turn like a boomerang, returning the broken petals of my soul into bloom again. 

To all the wonderful people at Burns, I’m grateful for your constant encouragement and for reading my Roots and Wings writings over the years. Your support has given me some of those “God moments” I’m referring to, which has helped me grow and publish my first book, “Bray and the Adventures of Zorkon.” Thank you so much for being a part of my journey.

The unique qualities that run through every fiber of our being are the roadmap to our spiritual enlightenment provided by our Creator. He has blessed us with talents and invites us all to pursue our dreams. Yes, it’s a given we will face obstacles and setbacks, but if God has destined our path, He will pave the way.

My First Published Book

                                          

I am excited to announce that my book is now available for purchase on Amazon/Kindle after two years of hard work. 

Here is the overview:

Bray and the Adventures of Zorkon follows the story of a ten-year-old boy who fights for inclusion and tackles a bullying problem at his school. The story unfolds with Bray entangled between a dream world and reality. However, the lines between the two worlds become oddly less blurred after Bray discovers a strange rock that transforms into a powerful Zorkon bracelet. The bracelet makes one capable of creating an invisible force shield bubble, a time-warping hologram named Zork, and a mysterious pair of goggles. Befriended by the riddle-speaking Zork, Bray (with a bit of help from his friends) must solve the puzzles and use the powers of Zorkon not only to stop the bullying against his classmates but to foil a plot to incite panic and chaos during his community's Diversity Day rally.

I hope you will give it a read!