The Comparison Trap

Nothing disrupts joy and contentment faster than comparing ourselves to others. 

We live in a world that thrives on comparison. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we stand next to the societal measuring stick to see where we measure up, leaving us feeling inferior or superior to others. 

Not all comparisons are unhealthy. Striving to learn from the successes of others can be inspiring; it can motivate us to reach our goals and identify areas for improvement.

However, the comparison trap has a darker side: adopting the mindset that "the grass is greener on the other side.” This perspective can lead to envy and resentment toward others, ultimately damaging our self-worth and overall well-being.

Believing in the "greener grass" view is an illusion—it offers only a limited snapshot of someone else's life. 

We often see this in face-to-face conversations or on social media. For example, the perfect marriage we envied may have fallen short of our expectations (or even ended in divorce), or we may discover that someone we thought had it all together struggles with insecurities. 

Theodore Roosevelt's famous words, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” resonate deeply with me.

As a little girl growing up in a large, low-income family, I often felt trapped on the wrong side of a fence, lost in the weeds, yearning to reach the greener side.

This ongoing struggle of inadequacy became a benchmark for proving my worth in adulthood. The "I will show you" mentality led me down a path of perfectionism and people-pleasing. 

Embarking on a journey of self-discovery in my mid-forties brought me full circle to my younger self. The little girl who once felt lost amongst the weeds no longer yearns for the greener side. As she and I navigated through the “fenced-in” illusion, it opened the gateway to my most authentic self.  

My point is that comparison leads to discontentment. It steals joy and creativity, constantly reminding us that we aren’t enough and that what we have isn’t enough. 

Conversely, true contentment doesn't stem from what we own, how much money we have, how attractive or thin we are, or how successful or intelligent we are. 

True contentment arises from finding inner joy and recognizing that we are enough—that what we have is sufficient. Only when we embrace this understanding can we break free from the comparison trap and focus on “watering” the unique gifts and talents the Creator has instilled in us.

As the wise Dr. Seuss once said, "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

Embrace your uniqueness.

2025

 Can you believe we’re almost a month into 2025? 

Many people have started the new year by committing to making healthier choices. 

Not to be a downer, but research shows that 88% will fail to achieve their goals by the end of January. This high percentage reflects how quickly motivation can diminish, leading to disappointment and, ultimately, giving up. 

So why do people rush into the new year motivated to change but relapse before the month ends? 

Although I no longer make New Year’s resolutions, there are a couple of reasons why mine failed in the past: 1) I’d made them on a whim (or sometimes as a dare), and 2) I’d set unrealistic goals without a clear strategy on how to achieve them. 

Setting unrealistic goals without a concrete plan often results in failure and frustration when we can’t reach those goals, which are typically not attainable in the short term. It’s like trying to climb a mountain when we’re completely out of shape.

By setting realistic goals—like getting into shape before attempting a mountain climb—we can better navigate the challenges of excessive pressure. 

It took me many years to quit smoking, but I eventually succeeded through slow and steady progress. 

As you work toward your goals for 2025, remember that experiencing setbacks doesn’t mean you’re a failure or indicate weakness. Celebrate your progress and small victories instead of being critical of yourself. Focus on how far you’ve come rather than how far you still have to go. Most importantly, stay determined. Taking small steps is essential for achieving your goals. 

Tearing Down Our Emotional Walls

Hitting an emotional wall feels like reaching a dead end, where the gears of life shift and throw us off course. 

Bouncing back from this experience is a complex journey. It involves more than simply seeking temporary relief, such as enjoying the ocean air at the beach, taking a refreshing walk in nature, or working out at the gym. 

While these are all healthy choices, the emotional walls I'm referring to require us to confront mental and emotional fatigue and wrestle with a profound disconnect from the person we once were.

We all tend to avoid emotional pain—every single one of us. In doing so, we become “wall-builders” in our personal stories, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously, with roots that may trace back to our childhood. 

In times of deep pain, it’s human nature to want to protect our hearts; it’s our defense mechanism kicking in to help us manage our emotions healthily. 

That’s the upside to our emotional walls. 

However, there’s also a downside. 

When left unchecked, these walls turn us into gatekeepers, constantly looking for potential danger, even when it doesn't exist. More importantly, they trap our emotions in a self-constructed prison, preventing us from fully experiencing them. After all, we can't heal what we don't acknowledge. 

Many of us fear being exposed and vulnerable, and rightly so. It’s uncomfortable, not to mention scary. So dismantling the emotional walls we've relied on for years—walls that have offered us shelter and protection—can be daunting. 

Yet, what if those walls no longer serve us? What if life has brought us to a pivotal moment where we can no longer ignore the call to break them down?

Do we dare go there? Do we dare sit with the shattered pieces? Do we dare analyze all the battles we’ve fought, every disappointment and hurt that led us to build those walls in the first place? 

Growing up in a large family, I didn’t have the space to express my emotions. As a result, I became skilled at internalizing my feelings, which led me to build emotional walls around my heart. My motto became, “I will stay protected. I’m safe here. No one will ever hurt me again.”

And it didn't stop there: toxic relationships during my young adult life and various challenges later in life reinforced the walls I'd built. After over forty years as a “wall builder,” I had constructed a fortress that isolated me from the world. Everywhere I turned, there was a dead end. What I thought was keeping me safe, what I thought was protecting me, in reality, was destroying me.

Bouncing back seemed impossible and hopeless. Still, deep down, I knew the only way forward was to take a sledgehammer—metaphorically speaking—and break free, one smashed brick at a time. 

This approach not only became the catalyst for improving my mental health, but it also gave me the courage to take risks and open myself up to vulnerability—all because I dared to go there. 

For different reasons, the gears of life have shifted once again. The U.S. election has thrown many of us off course. 

The walls of religion, homophobia, hatred, and injustice all weigh heavily on my heart.

What do the election results mean for Canada?

What impact will it have on my non-binary child, their American citizen wife, and my three adopted grandsons?

How will the government's indifference toward non-traditional families affect my grandchildren?

Will my LGBTQ2S+ family remain safe when visiting the U.S.? 

It’s all too easy to start laying bricks of fear during this time, and before we know it, there’s a border wall surrounding our hearts. 

I don't know about you, but I refuse to go back. I refuse to put my beautiful family back in the closet again. I will continue to do my part by helping to tear down the barriers that separate us, striving to move forward in peace and love, and leaving the rest in the hands of the Ultimate Builder of Unity—Jesus Christ, the One who came to break down the walls that divide us. 

“Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”

Merry Christmas. 

Broken Wings

You’re soaring along, enjoying the view, feeling grateful, and boom! Life throws you a curveball and breaks your wings. Like a wounded bird, you plummet, desperately seeking a place of refuge.

 

Most of us have journeyed through life carrying the burden of broken wings. We’ve wobbled around wounded—bearing scars from our past. Despite our ability to persevere on the ground, we’d often found ourselves unable to soar to our full potential. 

 

At a low point in my life, faith became my solace. Just as a mother bird spreads her wings over her babies to protect them, as I wept and wrestled with the broken pieces of my life, I felt safe and secure and shielded under the protection of my Father’s wings. There’s no better place to hide, in my opinion. 

 

Yet, despite my hesitance to leave the nest (my comfort zone), God’s plan wasn’t to keep me safely tucked away but to grace me with a new set of wings. And as I began to soar, I persevered through many uncomfortable headwinds. 

One obstacle I will share is the headwind of shame. 

 

Carl Jung called shame “the swampland of the soul.”

 

Berne Brown says, “Shame needs three things to survive: silence, secrecy, and judgment.”

 

I write about the creative deception shame can have on our psyche, not as an expert, but from a vulnerable place based on my experiences because I know how shame breaks human wings (spirits) and limits one’s ability to soar (thrive).

 

Firstly, shame is different from guilt. When we’re guilty, we feel remorse or regret for our actions. 

 

Shame, on the other hand, goes much deeper. Whether based on society’s perception of who we are or rooted in formative years, shame is toxic and crippling and leads us to believe that something is inherently wrong with us, that we are inadequate and unworthy of love and belonging, and that we can never measure up. 

 

Often, we aren’t aware of toxic shame, or if we are, we intentionally conceal it because talking about it is too awkward, too painful, and too complicated. As a result, silenced, secretive, and beaten down by judgment, our shame survives; our shame wins, and our wings remain broken. 

 

At a very young age (while I struggled to understand this until a couple of decades ago), shame began to weave its way into every fiber of my being. 

 

Growing up poor, being bullied, and struggling to fit in led me to believe I was inherently flawed and defective. These experiences made me feel ashamed of who I was. They broke my wings and bound me in the nest of deceit, holding me back from soaring with the rest of the flock. 

 

Sure, I preserved on the ground. But shame had caused me to shrink and feel insignificant. Shame had taken away my power, and because of shame, I flailed about—voiceless. 

 

Unless we bring our shame into the light and peel away the layers, it will continue to lurk in the shadows and chip away at our self-worth, whispering lies and robbing us of the beauty of our bird’s eye view. More importantly, it'll have far-reaching ramifications on our mental health. 

 

I’m no doubt soaring differently today. My wings are more resilient. I have a renewed strength, a knowing that even when life’s circumstances threaten to plummet me, Grace will be there to carry me forward. Thank you, Jesus! 

 

“But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not become weary, they will walk and not faint.” - Isaiah 40:31

U-turns

Have you ever been in a situation where you passionately pursued a dream but later found yourself questioning whether it was part of God’s plan for your life? If so, it likely was a difficult place, especially when you invested so much time, effort, and resources into making your dream a reality.

When we find ourselves in this state of questioning, we may feel lost and unsure of what to do next. We might even consider taking a U-turn away from our dream and (in the process) ignore our goals and place them on the “wrong direction shelf.” 

But then—when we least expect it—God intervenes and gives us a sign to make a U-turn back to our passion, reminding us that we were on the right track and that He had our back all along. 

It could be something subtle, like an encounter with someone who shares our beliefs, or something more significant, like a miraculous achievement that exceeds all expectations. Either way, it serves as a reminder to be patient and have faith in God's plan, even when His methods are unclear.

I’ve experienced self-doubt about my writing abilities. Negative thoughts such as, “You’re uneducated. You have nothing to offer. No one cares about what you have to say,” had made me second-guess myself where I wanted to take a U-turn away from writing altogether.

In those times of doubt, God showed up and spoke to me in odd and unexplainable ways that left an indelible mark on my heart and rendered me speechless. Interestingly, it was usually through other people that He redirected my attention back towards my passion.

We all succumb to negative thoughts and fears, but God often places wonderful people in our lives who can help us grow beyond those fears and blossom in ways we never thought possible. Whether for a season or the long haul, they impact us for a lifetime.

As we enter into Spring, the season of renewal, we’re about to witness the diverse beauty of nature bursting into full bloom once again. This breath of new life reminds me of all the diverse individuals who have inspired and helped shape me into the person God intended me to be. Am I still a work in progress? Absolutely. But God has used my U-turn like a boomerang, returning the broken petals of my soul into bloom again. 

To all the wonderful people at Burns, I’m grateful for your constant encouragement and for reading my Roots and Wings writings over the years. Your support has given me some of those “God moments” I’m referring to, which has helped me grow and publish my first book, “Bray and the Adventures of Zorkon.” Thank you so much for being a part of my journey.

The unique qualities that run through every fiber of our being are the roadmap to our spiritual enlightenment provided by our Creator. He has blessed us with talents and invites us all to pursue our dreams. Yes, it’s a given we will face obstacles and setbacks, but if God has destined our path, He will pave the way.

My First Published Book

                                          

I am excited to announce that my book is now available for purchase on Amazon/Kindle after two years of hard work. 

Here is the overview:

Bray and the Adventures of Zorkon follows the story of a ten-year-old boy who fights for inclusion and tackles a bullying problem at his school. The story unfolds with Bray entangled between a dream world and reality. However, the lines between the two worlds become oddly less blurred after Bray discovers a strange rock that transforms into a powerful Zorkon bracelet. The bracelet makes one capable of creating an invisible force shield bubble, a time-warping hologram named Zork, and a mysterious pair of goggles. Befriended by the riddle-speaking Zork, Bray (with a bit of help from his friends) must solve the puzzles and use the powers of Zorkon not only to stop the bullying against his classmates but to foil a plot to incite panic and chaos during his community's Diversity Day rally.

I hope you will give it a read! 

Untapped Talents

We all know the leaves of trees hold a hidden beauty that only reveals itself in the fall, right? 

Still, did you know that in the summer months, leaves produce all of the pigments of autumn, but chlorophyll masks them?

Then once fall arrives, the trees stop producing chlorophyll, revealing a vibrant display of red, orange, and yellow hues, reminding us of God's extraordinary artistry through the lens of nature.

That's not to say the forest isn't beautiful in the summer. The different trees still have leaves of many shapes and sizes, but they mainly blend into the greenery around them. 

As people, we can be like the green leaves, conforming and blending into everyday life. I'm not saying it's always a bad thing to blend in. However, if we get too comfortable, we'll only move within our summer season and miss the vibrant colors hidden within us.

Imagine if Mother Teresa hadn't tapped into her heart of compassion. This brave woman comforted and cared for the poor, the dying, and the unwanted worldwide. 

Not only that, Mother Teresa was one of the first to establish homes for people living with AIDS. She used her talents to bring the "color of hope" into the lives of the hopeless. Yet, many criticized her, and the Catholic Church wasn't even on board until they recognized the scope of her humanity's work.

Suppose Picasso and other talented artists never lifted a brush to touch paint on canvas. The art world many of us enjoy would not exist.

And what if a developer of musical instruments didn't tap into their innovative minds? The God-given gift of music would be lost to the world "would be musicians," left empty and unable to heal and inspire through music.

The list can go on and on of how people used their talents to improve the world. 

I think about my struggles and how I'd dropped out of school before finishing eighth grade because of circumstances beyond my control. Although I eventually attended vocational school to attain my GED (General Educational Development), I've spent much of my life trying to catch up by self-educating. 

Suppose I'd accepted my demise and not tapped into my love of writing. One of my vibrant colors would've remained hidden, but instead, writing has brought me alive. At sixty-four years young, I'm working on my first children's fantasy book, which is expected to be out in the early new year. And even if it impacts just one child, it'll be a success!

We all have different talents and God-given gifts. Yet, all too often—like ivy wrapped around an oak tree—the hurts of this world suffocate us.

I know from experience, and I'm sure many of you can also relate, that when we release those hurts through the power of forgiveness, we tap into the gifts of self-awareness, compassion, and gratitude and, in turn, unlock the hidden talents that have laid dormant, enabling our true colors to shine like a child seeing the world anew. 

Don't you marvel at the simplicity and freedom of children and how coloring books and crayons fascinate them? I certainly do.

I love watching my youngest grandson scribble all over the pages, smashing crayons into the paper, smiling, unafraid to color outside the lines. 

My grandson's freedom of expression is something that I hope he holds on to as he ages. Because (all too often) as we grow up and start conforming to societal expectations, limiting ourselves to the boundaries of normalcy, we tend to prefer the comfort of a tidy picture frame to the freedom of the untapped talent realm. 

But what if coloring outside the lines is the key to unlocking your full potential? 

Jesus dared to color outside the lines set by the religious leaders of His time to bring hope to the silenced and marginalized. He knew the turmoil it would create. Yet he "stirred the pot" anyway. 

Jesus' life serves as a powerful reminder that within each of us lies the potential to bring light and color to the world around us—even in the face of fear and uncertainty. 

Don't allow fear to stand in your way of coloring outside the lines. Step out of your comfort zone. Dare to dream big. Dare to be different. Like the trees in autumn, "Leave no leaf unturned!" Your untapped talents are waiting to be discovered.