Broken Wings

You’re soaring along, enjoying the view, feeling grateful, and boom! Life throws you a curveball and breaks your wings. Like a wounded bird, you plummet, desperately seeking a place of refuge.

 

Most of us have journeyed through life carrying the burden of broken wings. We’ve wobbled around wounded—bearing scars from our past. Despite our ability to persevere on the ground, we’d often found ourselves unable to soar to our full potential. 

 

At a low point in my life, faith became my solace. Just as a mother bird spreads her wings over her babies to protect them, as I wept and wrestled with the broken pieces of my life, I felt safe and secure and shielded under the protection of my Father’s wings. There’s no better place to hide, in my opinion. 

 

Yet, despite my hesitance to leave the nest (my comfort zone), God’s plan wasn’t to keep me safely tucked away but to grace me with a new set of wings. And as I began to soar, I persevered through many uncomfortable headwinds. 

One obstacle I will share is the headwind of shame. 

 

Carl Jung called shame “the swampland of the soul.”

 

Berne Brown says, “Shame needs three things to survive: silence, secrecy, and judgment.”

 

I write about the creative deception shame can have on our psyche, not as an expert, but from a vulnerable place based on my experiences because I know how shame breaks human wings (spirits) and limits one’s ability to soar (thrive).

 

Firstly, shame is different from guilt. When we’re guilty, we feel remorse or regret for our actions. 

 

Shame, on the other hand, goes much deeper. Whether based on society’s perception of who we are or rooted in formative years, shame is toxic and crippling and leads us to believe that something is inherently wrong with us, that we are inadequate and unworthy of love and belonging, and that we can never measure up. 

 

Often, we aren’t aware of toxic shame, or if we are, we intentionally conceal it because talking about it is too awkward, too painful, and too complicated. As a result, silenced, secretive, and beaten down by judgment, our shame survives; our shame wins, and our wings remain broken. 

 

At a very young age (while I struggled to understand this until a couple of decades ago), shame began to weave its way into every fiber of my being. 

 

Growing up poor, being bullied, and struggling to fit in led me to believe I was inherently flawed and defective. These experiences made me feel ashamed of who I was. They broke my wings and bound me in the nest of deceit, holding me back from soaring with the rest of the flock. 

 

Sure, I preserved on the ground. But shame had caused me to shrink and feel insignificant. Shame had taken away my power, and because of shame, I flailed about—voiceless. 

 

Unless we bring our shame into the light and peel away the layers, it will continue to lurk in the shadows and chip away at our self-worth, whispering lies and robbing us of the beauty of our bird’s eye view. More importantly, it'll have far-reaching ramifications on our mental health. 

 

I’m no doubt soaring differently today. My wings are more resilient. I have a renewed strength, a knowing that even when life’s circumstances threaten to plummet me, Grace will be there to carry me forward. Thank you, Jesus! 

 

“But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not become weary, they will walk and not faint.” - Isaiah 40:31

U-turns

Have you ever been in a situation where you passionately pursued a dream but later found yourself questioning whether it was part of God’s plan for your life? If so, it likely was a difficult place, especially when you invested so much time, effort, and resources into making your dream a reality.

When we find ourselves in this state of questioning, we may feel lost and unsure of what to do next. We might even consider taking a U-turn away from our dream and (in the process) ignore our goals and place them on the “wrong direction shelf.” 

But then—when we least expect it—God intervenes and gives us a sign to make a U-turn back to our passion, reminding us that we were on the right track and that He had our back all along. 

It could be something subtle, like an encounter with someone who shares our beliefs, or something more significant, like a miraculous achievement that exceeds all expectations. Either way, it serves as a reminder to be patient and have faith in God's plan, even when His methods are unclear.

I’ve experienced self-doubt about my writing abilities. Negative thoughts such as, “You’re uneducated. You have nothing to offer. No one cares about what you have to say,” had made me second-guess myself where I wanted to take a U-turn away from writing altogether.

In those times of doubt, God showed up and spoke to me in odd and unexplainable ways that left an indelible mark on my heart and rendered me speechless. Interestingly, it was usually through other people that He redirected my attention back towards my passion.

We all succumb to negative thoughts and fears, but God often places wonderful people in our lives who can help us grow beyond those fears and blossom in ways we never thought possible. Whether for a season or the long haul, they impact us for a lifetime.

As we enter into Spring, the season of renewal, we’re about to witness the diverse beauty of nature bursting into full bloom once again. This breath of new life reminds me of all the diverse individuals who have inspired and helped shape me into the person God intended me to be. Am I still a work in progress? Absolutely. But God has used my U-turn like a boomerang, returning the broken petals of my soul into bloom again. 

To all the wonderful people at Burns, I’m grateful for your constant encouragement and for reading my Roots and Wings writings over the years. Your support has given me some of those “God moments” I’m referring to, which has helped me grow and publish my first book, “Bray and the Adventures of Zorkon.” Thank you so much for being a part of my journey.

The unique qualities that run through every fiber of our being are the roadmap to our spiritual enlightenment provided by our Creator. He has blessed us with talents and invites us all to pursue our dreams. Yes, it’s a given we will face obstacles and setbacks, but if God has destined our path, He will pave the way.

My First Published Book

                                          

I am excited to announce that my book is now available for purchase on Amazon/Kindle after two years of hard work. 

Here is the overview:

Bray and the Adventures of Zorkon follows the story of a ten-year-old boy who fights for inclusion and tackles a bullying problem at his school. The story unfolds with Bray entangled between a dream world and reality. However, the lines between the two worlds become oddly less blurred after Bray discovers a strange rock that transforms into a powerful Zorkon bracelet. The bracelet makes one capable of creating an invisible force shield bubble, a time-warping hologram named Zork, and a mysterious pair of goggles. Befriended by the riddle-speaking Zork, Bray (with a bit of help from his friends) must solve the puzzles and use the powers of Zorkon not only to stop the bullying against his classmates but to foil a plot to incite panic and chaos during his community's Diversity Day rally.

I hope you will give it a read! 

Untapped Talents

We all know the leaves of trees hold a hidden beauty that only reveals itself in the fall, right? 

Still, did you know that in the summer months, leaves produce all of the pigments of autumn, but chlorophyll masks them?

Then once fall arrives, the trees stop producing chlorophyll, revealing a vibrant display of red, orange, and yellow hues, reminding us of God's extraordinary artistry through the lens of nature.

That's not to say the forest isn't beautiful in the summer. The different trees still have leaves of many shapes and sizes, but they mainly blend into the greenery around them. 

As people, we can be like the green leaves, conforming and blending into everyday life. I'm not saying it's always a bad thing to blend in. However, if we get too comfortable, we'll only move within our summer season and miss the vibrant colors hidden within us.

Imagine if Mother Teresa hadn't tapped into her heart of compassion. This brave woman comforted and cared for the poor, the dying, and the unwanted worldwide. 

Not only that, Mother Teresa was one of the first to establish homes for people living with AIDS. She used her talents to bring the "color of hope" into the lives of the hopeless. Yet, many criticized her, and the Catholic Church wasn't even on board until they recognized the scope of her humanity's work.

Suppose Picasso and other talented artists never lifted a brush to touch paint on canvas. The art world many of us enjoy would not exist.

And what if a developer of musical instruments didn't tap into their innovative minds? The God-given gift of music would be lost to the world "would be musicians," left empty and unable to heal and inspire through music.

The list can go on and on of how people used their talents to improve the world. 

I think about my struggles and how I'd dropped out of school before finishing eighth grade because of circumstances beyond my control. Although I eventually attended vocational school to attain my GED (General Educational Development), I've spent much of my life trying to catch up by self-educating. 

Suppose I'd accepted my demise and not tapped into my love of writing. One of my vibrant colors would've remained hidden, but instead, writing has brought me alive. At sixty-four years young, I'm working on my first children's fantasy book, which is expected to be out in the early new year. And even if it impacts just one child, it'll be a success!

We all have different talents and God-given gifts. Yet, all too often—like ivy wrapped around an oak tree—the hurts of this world suffocate us.

I know from experience, and I'm sure many of you can also relate, that when we release those hurts through the power of forgiveness, we tap into the gifts of self-awareness, compassion, and gratitude and, in turn, unlock the hidden talents that have laid dormant, enabling our true colors to shine like a child seeing the world anew. 

Don't you marvel at the simplicity and freedom of children and how coloring books and crayons fascinate them? I certainly do.

I love watching my youngest grandson scribble all over the pages, smashing crayons into the paper, smiling, unafraid to color outside the lines. 

My grandson's freedom of expression is something that I hope he holds on to as he ages. Because (all too often) as we grow up and start conforming to societal expectations, limiting ourselves to the boundaries of normalcy, we tend to prefer the comfort of a tidy picture frame to the freedom of the untapped talent realm. 

But what if coloring outside the lines is the key to unlocking your full potential? 

Jesus dared to color outside the lines set by the religious leaders of His time to bring hope to the silenced and marginalized. He knew the turmoil it would create. Yet he "stirred the pot" anyway. 

Jesus' life serves as a powerful reminder that within each of us lies the potential to bring light and color to the world around us—even in the face of fear and uncertainty. 

Don't allow fear to stand in your way of coloring outside the lines. Step out of your comfort zone. Dare to dream big. Dare to be different. Like the trees in autumn, "Leave no leaf unturned!" Your untapped talents are waiting to be discovered.

Bullying: Scars of Soul

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. 

I want to share my story and insights on a BIG problem that's not only affected many lives throughout history but is still widespread today.

At around eight or nine years of age, I became a victim of bullying, commonly known as "teasing" back then.

The phrase "boys will be boys" was often used to excuse my bully's behavior. Did it mean boys were entitled to unacceptable behavior because they were boys? Did "boys will be boys" justify schoolyard bullying? 

In hindsight, I see a double standard: Depending on who you were, unacceptable behavior got swept under the rug, brushed off, and seen as "trivial." Consequently, the abuse continued at the expense of my positive school life experience and, no doubt, the lives of others who fell prey to bullying. 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." I'd recite this popular childhood rhyme to myself as I hurried past my tormentors in the schoolyard—the snickers of bystanders echoing behind me while "stink bomb, you're ugly, you're stupid" pierced through the air and landed blows that shook me to the core. 

What a myth I fed myself as a child—that sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me, a weak coping mechanism, at best, to likely lessen the sting of my bully's words. 

Hateful words hurt. They have power. They are forceful and convincing. They penetrate the heart, mind, and soul and have long-lasting effects.

While my bullies may not have hurt me physically by throwing sticks and stones, their horrific words oozed into my identity, leaving an indelible imprint on my soul and changing how I viewed myself and others. At the most tender and vulnerable time, my bullies' incessant name-calling stripped away my self-esteem.

Yet, I had the resolve and grit to rise above. And as an adult, I thought I'd done just that: rose above. I thought I'd dismissed the scars from my bully's name-calling. As far as I was concerned, bullying happened to me as a kid; therefore, it was just a part of growing up. 

Nothing could have been further from the truth.  

Years later, circumstances forced me to sift through the scar tissue of my youth. Although other factors played a part in my emotional wounds, addressing, acknowledging, and grieving the immense scars of the soul from my bullies contributed to a pivotal role in my healing journey.  

 

It stands to reason why condescending tones often sent off triggers, where I'd become that little girl back in the schoolyard again. Scared. Wounded. Angry. Hurt. Afraid.

It stands to reason why I became a people pleaser, perfectionist, and workaholic: to prove my worth.

You may be reading this thinking: This resonates with me. It's my story, too!

If so, please know this. Scars don't vanish. Wounds that don't get treated don't heal because we've moved on as adults. Healing can only begin when we face the scars and confront them for what they are. (Bear in mind that we may need professional help to face our deepest scares.) 

 

Bullies, and even bystanders, have no idea how bullying affects the victim. They have no idea the daily havoc their words and actions play on our psyche and influence our lives for years to come. 

Why do bullies bully? 

 

In my understanding, bullies bully because they act out of insecurity to gain personal power at the expense of the weaker and most vulnerable. Some bullies may have been victims of bullying themselves, so they feed off the power they get from their bystanders' laughter of approval. It's a short-lived adrenaline fix where the "bullier" thinks they've turned the tables on their own pain. 

Who is a target for bullying? 

Anyone can be a target of bullying, but more so for those who are different. In my case, living in a small town where everyone knew my family was poor, my bullies saw me as "less than," someone who didn't fit the "norm." An easy target to exploit. 

I'm not letting myself off the hook here. I've also hurt others with my words, often with a knee-jerk response because I felt attacked.

 "Hurting people hurt people," this I know. And I never want my grandkids to feel the pain that haunted me. 

But it's inevitable that my three grandsons (one with autism), raised by two moms, will be an easier target than most for bullying. The two oldest have already felt the bully's sting, and I fear it will only get worse, especially in this new politically charged environment of evolving distrust and hate.

By sharing my experience, I hope it will not only help others tell their story but also shed light on what's still so prevalent in our society/schools today: face-to-face bullying and cyberbullying. 

Because even though there's much more awareness than when I was a kid, bullying isn't limited to schoolyards. At least when the school bell rang to end my day, I could escape from my bullies. 

Today, internet technology has fostered an environment that has given birth to cyberbullying, extending bullying beyond the schoolyard 24/7. 

Cyberbullying (in many ways) is even scarier than face-to-face bullying since it's the most well-hidden way for a bully to sit behind a screen and taunt others with their words, mainly affecting young youth and adolescents, making them feel alone and unworthy. Sadly, some even take their own life. 

Bottom line: We need to be fully present, fully invested, in our children and not dismiss bullying as "just a part of growing up" because—whether it was back in my day or the present day—bullying isn't a natural part of childhood; bullying is a painful and traumatic experience, with long-lasting scars that can affect the victim's development, learning skills, and self-esteem, leading to anxiety, depression, and feelings of shame. (Teasing isn't teasing if it causes harm.)

As a society, let's stand together and be a voice for the voiceless. Despite our views and differences, let's treat others how we want to be treated. 

If we can do this, I have faith that the environment promoting bullying will begin to lift like fog, and our children will have a more inclusive, brighter future. 

Thank you. 

Time

Time is elusive, yet it ticks by at the same rate for all humanity. We can't bank time. But we can, undoubtedly, squander it. We can't halt time's progression. But we can learn to make the most of it. 

Do you ever wish that you could travel through time to correct past mistakes or clear the future of its obstacles? 

Unfortunately (even if we wanted to), we can't eliminate the messiness of our lives or rewrite history. And while we can influence the future through our choices and actions, only time can tell the real story.

Looking back, one of the things I'm most grateful for is personal growth. Unraveling those parts of myself that I'd forgotten or left behind has brought me to a much happier, fulfilled, and healthier place. 

Yet, as I age, my perception of time keeps evolving because, despite the routine and mundane moments I'd pre-retirement, life seems to be flying by at this stage. The phrase "time's a-wasting" reminds me to tune out the distractions of everyday life and focus on the beauty surrounding me.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."—Maya Angelo.

Whether holding our newborn baby/babies for the first time, witnessing a spectacular sunset or rainbow, being out in nature, or standing on a mountaintop, we remember those moments that took our breath away; we remember the indescribable awe, like time stood still briefly, as we became fully present to notice and appreciate what was before us. In that sense, I agree with Maya Angelo.

But what about those other defining moments that took our breath away by sucker-punching us in the gut, forever changing the direction of our lives in a split second?

One such time for me was in 1987 when my mother suddenly died. 

Time will heal you; time will lessen the sadness," well-meaning friends kept telling me. 

"One of the realities of grief and loss is that the rest of the world seems to keep on going forward while we feel like we have been stopped in our tracks." —Alan Wolfelt. 

 I waited for "time" to do its thing as the world moved on without me. But it was as if time had stood still. 

I couldn't look to the past because it was too painful. I couldn't look into the future because my mother wouldn't be there. If anything, I wanted to go back in time. In other words, I wanted my life to return to how it was before my mother died.

When our life's sand-glass plugs off and traps us in turmoil—even though the grains of our lives will look and feel differently—the sands of time will flow again. We can't see this in the throes of grief. Nor should we. Nevertheless, as we journey out of the valley, we will experience awe, wonder, and joy and live life to the fullest again. 

Thirty-six years have ticked by since my mother died. Although she hasn't moved through time with me, no length of time has erased her from my heart.

Time. It's constantly in motion and stops for no one. 

Time in grief, however, allows us to (slowly) zoom in and greet each milestone in whatever way our emotions present, giving us the means to let go of the past and move into the future with a "new normal" without our loved ones. 

Each breath we take is God's gift of time. Still, how we spend it can be a complicated question. 

We can choose to heal those broken and estranged relationships. We can choose to forgive. (Remember, forgiveness is for ourselves. It's not for the person who hurt us, and not necessarily for reconciliation with that person.) And we can choose to make peace with our past while looking forward to the possibilities time offers us.

 If you are reading this and are struggling, I pray you will find a safe and healthy space to embrace the "now" once again. (Be patient with yourself. Take your time.) 

The Butterfly and the Moth

 Did you know that butterfly and the moth are from the same Lepidoptera family? Yet many adore the butterfly and dislike the moth.

I am in the "dislike the moths camp." I find them creepy to look at, especially the larger ones. Their dull, almost alien appearance represents the insect world's less attractive side. In contrast, the butterflies are colorful and represent nature's beauty.

Besides the moths and butterflies' appearances, another significant difference is that 

while most moths lurk in the dark, butterflies flutter elegantly in the light of day. 

I remember summer nights on our patio when Derick and I'd turn the light on over the door. Moths would come in droves and bounce off the light fixture. And even after we'd turned the light off, the notorious night-flying creatures continued to fly aimlessly in the dark.

Those moths remind me of the tale of the lost sheep trying to find their way back to their flock, with the light acting as the Good Shepherd calling them home.

As Christians, we are like that outdoor light, powered by the Holy Spirit, illuminating the light of Christ through us. And although our human beacon may flicker at times, the welcoming light of Christ is always present within us, guiding and teaching us to embrace others without exclusion.

After all, we are all part of the same human family created by God; therefore, we should equally celebrate and respect each other's diverse lifestyles and cultural backgrounds. But unfortunately, ingroup bias is prominent in our society, and it's discouraging to see some groups favored while others are ignored. 

When you observe a homeless person, the LGBTQ+, or other marginalized groups, what do you see? A butterfly or a moth?

While I strive to see a butterfly in everyone, I've been guilty of shooing people away with my words and actions. I've looked at a person and seen them as a butterfly, only to see that person as a moth once I knew more about them. Still, there were other times when I'd witnessed what I thought was a moth that turned out to be a beautiful butterfly.

Thankfully, when I become judgemental (as we all do), the light of Christ is always on over my door, guiding me back home, wiser and more compassionate to be acceptant of my broader human family.

How about when you look in the mirror? What do you see? A butterfly or a moth?

For me, it all depends on the day. The reflections of my youth and older self portray a lifetime of growth and change.

I thought I was unworthy of love and belonging in my younger years. Like a moth, I felt like a nuisance and a pest, always hiding in the shadows. Then as I grew older, I realized I was scared to leave the comfy zone I'd created, not unlike a butterfly that remains camouflaged on a branch, afraid to spread its colorful wings.

But I've learned to silence my doubts and fears and no longer live in a cocoon. Instead, I embrace both the moth and the butterfly aspects of myself today.

Why?

Because my experiences—whether hidden in the dark like a moth or on full display like a butterfly—significantly impact who I've become. 

Furthermore, Christ teaches us to acknowledge all aspects of ourselves, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's how we transform into creatures of the light and see the world through His eyes.

So the next time you see moths flying around your light at night, envision them as the marginalized attracted to your light, and each time you hold out your hand to welcome them instead of "figuratively" swatting them away, God smiles and says, "Well done good and faithful servant."

Bottom line: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and God sees beauty in us all, so we should too.